Have you ever noticed how easy it is to say you trust in God's plan when everything is going the way you want? But that the moment things start going out of control-the time when you need to put your faith in God's plan the most-it's the hardest thing to do? Or am I the only one that feels that way? (Please reassure me I'm not!)
Last year, my husband and I gave the area of family size over to God. We told Him we trusted Him and trusted that He would give us the family He saw fit. Two months later, we were pregnant! Then, when our son was four months old, we found out we were pregnant again! I was thrilled, and just knew that these two little blessings were going to have so much fun together. Unfortunately I miscarried two weeks later and those dreams seemed to come crashing down.
It was devastating. I couldn't understand why God would even allow me to conceive if He was just going to take the baby from me. I couldn't understand what I had done wrong. For months after I over-analyzed every little thing I did in the week before the miscarriage. I found ways to blame myself for what happened. My husband has been so supportive throughout all of this. He reminded me that it "rains on the righteous and the unrighteous." And that, as Christians, we are not promised a life with no heartache or pain. It's taking time, but I am learning to not blame myself for what happened. I am also having to re-learn how to trust in God's perfect plan, instead of trying to take matters into my own hand.
I pray that God will bless us with another child soon. I pray daily that this child will grow strong and healthy inside of me. But, I also pray that God will help me to accept His will for my life, and that I will ultimately choose to keep the faith, even when things aren't going the way I had planned.
Proverbs 16:9-The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.
For now, I am going to focus my time and energy on my family as we celebrate the birth of Christ. I have much to be thankful for, and I know that time with my extended family is just what I need!
Merry Christmas Ya'll!